Dib's Ovaries
by Silver Dragon 2488
Summary: ZADR at its finest. This story is me making fun of it. Because it's wrong. Here I go. Oh, and by the way, Dib's ovaries are a ball of yarn.


I am disgusted by the fanfics of Invader Zim. I mean, the "ZADR" makes me sick. It really does. Now, this is me making fun of it.

I do not own anything from this wonderful series. If I did, I would stab myself for doing this to my characters. Alex and I co-wrote this.

**__**

Dib's Overies

It was a wonderful day in skool. The birds were chirping, the dirt children were frolicking, the squirrels were dancing on the windowsill. Everything was perfect. Except for the fact that Zim was unusually crazy. But that doesn't matter right now.

"Now class," Ms. Bitters said, "today's horrible lecture is about organs and how you will eventually be dissected and harvested when you die." Zim, who was alerted by this news, stood up on his desk and proclaimed, "You filthy worm-monkeys won't get my squigglyspooch! NEVER!" As he searched the classroom, all he saw were shocked and blank expressions. So, to convince his fellow classmates he was normal, he declared violently, "I AM NORMAL!"

Dib sighed and then returned his attention back to Ms. Bitters, who was growling at Zim. Ms. Bitters then snarled, "Open your health textbooks to page 4578 and start reading the horrible passages. You there," she pointed to Keefe, "where's your book?"

Keefe looked around helplessly. "Um… the woman next door used it as a diaper for her pet waffle…"

She began growling and then opened her desk. After pulling out a moose skin, she threw it at the little Keefe child, and then growled, "Read that. It's close enough to what the others are reading, anyway."

Keefe looked at his moose skin uncertainly. "But it's a moose skin…"

"QUIET!" Ms. Bitters roared. "Read the moose, or you will be sent to the dissecting hospital early!"

So Keefe began to read his moose skin while the others read the horrible health books. Zim looked through the readings and was disgusted. _This is terrible… _he thought, _It… sickens me… _As he read, his squigglyspooch began to churn and Zim suddenly needed to vomit. He raised his free hand and waved it frantically, but the horrible Ms. Bitters didn't notice.

Ms. Bitters' phone of doom rang, and when she picked it up, began growling words that sounded like it would come out of the cess pool. "You will pay for this," were her final words and she slammed the receiver down, which retracted into a fiery pit. "The principal says that in order to dull down misery in class, you shall be let out to recess earlier. No go, before you get thrown to Lumpy, the python that lives in the air vents." As if to strengthen her point, a low hiss sounded from the vent above the class.

The class jumped out of the windows in joy and then began frolicking mindlessly. Zim, who was happy to get away from the horrible lesson on human anatomy, ran out to the playground to find Dib on the brick wall, crocheting. Zim smirked.

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Ah! So THOSE are the human reproductive organs! he thought as he eyed Dib's yarn. _If I rule the organs, I rule the world… _With determination at his side, the Irken invader rushed forward and grabbed the white yarn, while knocking the large-headed Dib over in the process.

"GYAHAHAHAHAR!" Zim laughed triumphantly as he placed a booted foot on Dib's small torso, "I HAVE YOUR OVARIES! **NOW LOVE ME**!"

Dib blinked. "That's a ball of yarn… And I don't even have ovaries… I'm a boy…"

Zim growled and shoved the ball of white yarn in Dib's face. "Love me, you filthy human filth!" He began to shake it back and forth. "LOVE ME! I CAN'T STAND TO BE WITHOUT YOU!"

Dib suddenly discovered how beautiful Zim was. "I…" he couldn't say it all at once, "I… love you, Zim…"

Zim smiled cruelly. "That's right, that's right, you filthy worm-baby! Love me! Love me because I have your ovaries!"

Dib then slid out from under Zim's boot and hugged him. "I LOVE YOU!" the big-headed boy shouted at the top of his lungs. To prove his point, he licked the side of Zim's face.

Unfortunately for poor Zim, Dib's saliva, like many humans, had water in it, so Zim's alien flesh began to sizzle and burn. He began screaming in horrible pain, but no one seemed to notice, not even his new lover.

Since the poor, poor host of Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery had nothing else to do but follow Dib around, he decided to host a show on Dib's and Zim's new romance. The show aired the following day, and it went something like this:

The host-man folded his hands and said, "So Zim, you say that you love Dib with all your might?"

Zim was sitting in a chair while fumbling with Dib's ovaries. "Yes!" he cried with all his might. "I love him! I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE THAN DESTROYING!" A soft "Aww" sounded from the audience. Zim continued. "I only wish that I could pin-point the exact moment when I fell in love with him. I mean, between all of the fighting, slandering and trying to destroy him like the horrible worm-monkey that I thought he was, I didn't even fathom the possibility of me loving him. But apparently, it can happen." He turned to Dib, who was sitting next to the Irken invader.

Dib blushed. "He's so sweet!" Dib proclaimed. He then turned fully to Zim, and then cried, "I love you!"

Zim turned back to the huge-headed Dib and then proclaimed, "I love you too!"

"We should express our love with VIOLENT SEX!" Dib shouted back.

"I AGREEE!" Zim responded.

VIOLENT SEX -ONSTAGE!

The host-man stared for a moment. "That was beautiful. Next on our show, we'll have a baboon and a farmer get married."

The next day, Dib and Zim were walking along hand-in-hand happily to skool. Then, the girl in their classroom that looks like she has a nun-head came up and pushed Dib in the dirt.

"That's what you get for having a big head!" she shouted and then ran off to play with the tetanus-infested playground. Zim helped his LOVER up and then was startled to see Dib crying.

"Dib-lover, are you all right?" Zim asked. Dib sobbed helplessly.

"No!" he cried, "They said I have a big head!" He cried a bit longer, then demanded of Zim, "**CONSOLE ME**!"

SEX

While Zim was sleeping off the SEX (and trying to recover from the HORRIBLE BURNS he received during the SEX) on the concrete sidewalk, Dib got up and began to walk around. He wasn't sure if he could take this kind of relationship. He settled on a lonely corner of the sidewalk and thought. _What if Zim's only using me for the **VIOLENT SEX**? _As he pondered on the matter, GIR walked up to him and stared at him.

Dib was surprised but happy to see the little robot dog. "GIR!" he cried. "I'm so surprised but happy to see you!" GIR said slowly, "Why you out here, big head?"

Dib was plunged back into his doubt. "I… I don't know if I can do this relationship! I don't know if I really lo… love… him…"

GIR glared. "Do you love him?"

Dib blinked rapidly and then fiddled with his hands. "W-Well… I-I-I… I don't…"

GIR took a violently deadly grip onto Dib's shoulders and began to shake him. "DO YOU LOVE HIM!" the robot dog demanded.

"YES!" Dib cried.

"THEN RUN TO HIM!" GIR shouted as he tossed Dib into a dumpster. As the little robot dog went on his way to rule the tacos, Dib was encouraged to face his fears. He emerged from the dumpster ready to face his fears! "I am ready to face my fears!" he proclaimed to the world. He ran back to his LOVER and shook the alien awake.

"Zim, wake up!" Dib cried happily, "I love you! Isn't that wonderful?"

Zim was so happy to hear those words come from Dib's mouth (even though Dib had been saying it 2700 times a day) that he wanted to celebrate. "I will kiss you, Dib!"

They kissed, and then Zim screamed in horrible pain as Dib's saliva reached his mouth and tongue. Dib didn't care, though. He was used to the screams. Then, a ball of white yarn fell out of Zim's rather small poket. Dib looked at it while Zim tried to soothe his scalded mouth. "What's this?" Dib asked, and Zim's eyes darted around like a cornered criminal.

"Uh… nothing… It's nothing, Dib… Um…" He searched for a way to retrieve the ovaries. If Dib knew that Zim had used the ovaries to make Dib fall in love with him, then Dib would leave him! The mere thought made him want to cry in AGONY! "Why don't we have some more VIOLENT SEX out here on the side walk for everyone to see?"

Dib knew something was wrong. "Zim, what are you hiding? Please, tell me. I am your LOVER after all."

Zim sighed. He knew that he couldn't hide anything from his precious LOVER. "All right, Dib. I can't hide anything from you, you are my LOVER." He sighed again and said slowly, "I… I took your ovaries in order to rule you. I knew that it would make you fall in love with me, but I didn't think that I would fall in love with you…"

Dib was struck in the heart by Zim's confession. "You… you… brainwashed me?"

Zim rolled his eyes upwards in thought. "…That was my original plan…" He sighed in defeat. "But, in order to prove to you that I love you with ALL MY SOUL, then I will give you back your ovaries." Dib looked at the Irken invader in awe.

Zim sniffled. Now that Dib had his ovaries back, they would probably go back to fighting over Earth. However, Dib cried, "Zim, even without you owning my ovaries, I still love you with all my heart! I want us to have a LOVE-CHILD!"

Zim was delirious with happiness. "Well, I laid some eggs all over your ovaries… If you swallow them, we can have a LOVE-CHILD."

Dib was ecstatic. He always wanted to have a baby! "Okay!" He cried in joy, and then attempted to swallow the rather large ball of yarn. As he was struggling, Zim got a stick and began to shove the ball of yarn deeper into Dib's throat. "Yeah, yeah…" Zim mumbled as he pushed the yarn, "almost there…"

The ball of yarn made its way to Dib's intestines and the large-headed boy jumped for joy. "Yay! I can bear your wonderful, wonderful children!"

Zim was happy too. "Yay!"

Dib then looked at the Irken invader seductively and said, "You know what this makes me wanna do?"

Zim blinked. "Sex?"

"SIIING!" Dib cried happily. Zim blinked again.

"Oh."

Dib pulled a piano and a hobo out of the dumpster and got on top of said piano. Then, a spotlight highlighted the expecting mother and suddenly, Dib's wardrobe changed to a very feminine, crimson dress, even though he didn't quite fill the bust. He wrapped a white, fluffy boa around his neck and placed a microphone near his lips.

"Even though Christmas is far away," Dib began, "I wanted to give you a present."

Zim's hopes rose. "Is it super weapons?"

Dib shook his head and Zim's hopes were shattered. "I'm giving you… a SONG!"

The alien remembered that Dib had already said this. "Oh yeah," Zim said quietly.

The hobo began to play on the piano and Dib began to sing -horribly. "I don't want much for Christmas -there is just one thing I need.

"I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.

"I just want you for my own. More than you will ever know.

"Make my wish come true… Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is YOOOOUUUU…. YOOUUU BABY!"

Zim began to cry because Dib was so out of tune. When the terrible song finished, Dib hopped off of the piano -in which the hobo climbed into- and asked softly of his lover, "So? How'd you like it?"

Zim looked around as if trying to find the best way to say this. "I think we should break up."

Dib's heart shattered. "What?" he asked.

Zim, now a little more confident, replied, "Well Dib, you're really tone deaf, and I have a feeling that you're going to be wanting to sing to me a lot, so I think we should break up before I have to rip your filthy vocal chords out. And now that I am free of the evil spell of love, I will return to trying to eliminate your pitiful little planet as you take care of our soon-to-be hideous love-child. So long, I'll send you Child Support!" With that, Zim ran as fast as his little legs could carry him, leaving poor Dib alone and cross-dressing.

Soon after the hideous love-child was born, it left Dib to be even more alone because America hates Dib.

The End

There. I have ended my rage against the horrible ZADR. I feel peaceful. I don't care what you say in your reviews. Sure you can say that "ZADR is the best thing in the universe" or "People write wonderful ZADR" or even "Zim and Dib are meant for each other, even though they despise so much!" Well, you know what? The ZADR fics that I've read make me want to vomit. So, if you say that ZADR is the best vomit-inducing kind of fic in the universe, then yes, I agree.

Again, I don't care what you ZADR supporters think. All flames will be thoroughly enjoyed and laughed at.

Much love!

Ja


End file.
